At a time when things were so overwhelming in my life, it was hard to hear God. It was almost like being a celebrity, and having a crowd of people swaming you, screaming for you, and needing your full attention RIGHT THEN. However, the only difference is in this situation, I was the celebrity in the mist of chaos and confusion. All the “screaming fans” of my life were screaming and needing me at the same time.
It wasn’t too long that my entire spiritual life started to suffer for the lack of conversing I was not doing with God. I couldn’t think straight, my attitude was all over the place; happy one minute, sad or angry the next. I just felt overwhelmed and just going with the flow of life. I needed to find a way out soon, or I physically, mentally, emotionally AND spiritually wasn’t going to make it.
One night, when I found a second to be still, I heard God speak to me and say, “Put your last meal down of the day, and spend one hour a day with me for a week.”
I prepped myself for this encounter because I did not know what to expect. I knew I NEEDED to do this, but for God to ask it of me was important. I designated an area for me to go to where it was just Him and me I turned off all electronic devices except for my speaker to play worship music, and I tried my hardest to FOCUS just on this.
Now, as dedicated as I was, it was still a fight. The hour was kind of hard at first because I figured I can pray all I need to pray within like 5-10 minutes, what am I going to do for the rest of the time? What about all the other stuff I have to do? What am I gonna make for dinner? Oh, no wait. No dinner. Did I call my mom today? All of these things ran through my mind. The more I over thought about it, the more other thoughts made themselves welcomed.
Praying was like trying to talk with swollen tonsils, my hands were drenched in sweat and I felt my heart in my throat. Why was this so hard?! Was there something that God was trying to do, and was there something or someone trying to intervene?
I remembered that He wanted me to spend time with Him, not give Him just your list of demands and leave! When I finally realized it, and understood that my relationship with God was critical, and I needed Him NOW, I fought with everything I had.